Fitz (joyfultears) wrote,

my world still revolves around you.

i have a problem. everytime i like a guy, the second he starts liking me back or starts expressing interest in a relationship i suddenly get freaked out and lose all interest in him. lately, this has happened twice and three times throughout the summer. all of the guys it's happened with are amazing and i'm an idiot to not want to be with them, but everytime they start liking me i start comparing. is our relationship going to be as good as his and i's? is he going to be as sweet as him? am i going to fall for him the same way i did before? if not, then why even bother? he and i have the most amazing relationship ever and i ruined it and i'm haunted everyday with the realization that if i wasn't a selfish bitch we might still be in love and happy and i wouldnt be suffering. i know, it's all my fault and i need to get over it already. believe me, i want to get over you, i really do, i'm trying to date other people, but none of them match you. none of them come close to you. you and i were perfect togehter and for some stupid reason i let you go. i've realized the hard way that you have to pay for your actions, whether it be negative or positive. and everyday i wish i could go back in time to the day i met the other guy and make it never happen. or at least not become as close to him as i did. i don't deserve you anymore, i know that, and maybe that's the reason i keep backing off when a guy shows interest, cause knowing what i did to you makes me realize that i don't deserve a guy even half as great as you. maybe i'm just overanalyzing everything. i just don't know. when i start thinking about relationships with anyone other than you, i realize i just can't do it. you are too good to forget and noone will ever live up to you.
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